forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
