3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
