3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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