it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
