You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
