I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize