I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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