Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
