evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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