My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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