The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
