dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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