So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
