His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
