I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
