clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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