my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
