I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
