If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
