I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
