Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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