i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
