how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
