For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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