so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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