if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
