i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize