He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
