and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize