he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
