i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
