he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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