It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
