Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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