He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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