so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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