Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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