New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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