It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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