I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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