When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
