My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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