go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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