If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
