ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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