I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
A bitchslap is in order.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
