here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
