lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
