nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His nipple licking is glorious
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