and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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