What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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