Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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