I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
