He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
