I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
