Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
