you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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