I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
