I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
