what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
