i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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