you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
