So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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