the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
