i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
