Cold hands, warm shart.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
