not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You have to summon your inner elephant
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
