i think i have herpe
just one?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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