This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
