I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
two words...techno handjob
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
