dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
