I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
