Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she looked like the before picture.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
