it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize